woke up in dear dear's arm. den we went to respective sch tog. basically today is a v.bad day for me. haiz. woke up feeling extremely grumpy! haiz. firstly my lappy dropped on the floor so hard. haiz. den dad have financial problem. haiz. den dear juz keep listening to me. haiz. money!!! haiz. i am so broke!

school was okies.but was teamed wid a bitch. damn! i hate bitches. simply cant wrk wid em. they cant accept others idea and the way she say things is totally brainless but act like one that has brain. haiz. irritating!

haiz. all my hard work was down to drain! guess wad? a new setter came out from no where and sii is no long the setter but spiker. haiz. n rui still maintain. and i am not in main 12. haiz. i am pathetic man. i have lost my passion. you get what you give... issit true? haiz... but come to think of it sii n rui they r indeed more experienced den me. i should train harder n dun give up! haiz. msg dear.. haiz. all i wan n need is his hugs, sayangs and comfort. haiz. but i will only get to see him tml evening. haiz. so sad... but nvm... at least i have improved over the months. keep it up and DUN GIVE UP! i love myself and dear n mini hubby... and volleyball too. pls don let the passion die... haiz. yest nite vik stayed over at my hse.haha. den end up nv go sch today! haha. poor dear dear keep giving me morning call. but i end up nv go sch. haiz. he abit angry also. basically spend the whole afternoon grooming my lucky... haha. tt mini hubby of mine really use up my whole afternoon. den was suppose to meet dear at bishan at 5pm. but i 5 den bath come out. but really bo bian wad! haiz. i cant leave the hse wid furs lying all over my bed room rite? den we ended up screaming at each other over the hp. but in the end he take 52 come to my hse n den we go to his hse tog. was suppose to go jurong east n watch lil man den come to my hse wan. but his mum cook for us den the next show is like 9.30. den nv watch lors. so we ended up cuddling at hm! haha. he turn out nv come over my hse. cuz he tml no sch. but gt soccer match only at 1pm. haiz. but nvm. he will come tml! hee.

haiz. i feel so bad screaming at him today. mayb i shud really control my temper! dear dear has changed so much n so do i. but for the worst. haiz. i feel so bad. but i am really happy to have him to sayang me and for me to sai nai at him. haha. love him to bits and he is trying v.hard to keep fit! so tt he can acc me to go sentosa tog! haha. jia you! actually he bah bah better. lol. den no gers will vie wid me. haha. silly me. today is one fucked up day though... i really cant stand it man! the module i hated most... computing n maths... monday blues. dramatic PMS!!! and also a super fucked up faci! the guy look like one nerd. specky... worst of all he keeps eavsdropping on us and ans qns tt he is not suppose to ans. n he always ask us qns when we really cant ans em at all!!! n he gt tt bloody stuck up look on his face. he look so smug n contented lors. arghs! i am gg to hate math module even more.

went to bishan to meet vik instead. went to watch john tucker must die. sorry deep. i was really not feeling well juz now. but i wanna relax myself abit. as i am really having a bad mood swing and its been a long time since i last caught a movie. dear was abit sad. cuz was suppose to watch wid him. haiz. but its a good movie. haha. esp the part where he wore thongs! haha. mayb i shall buy one for him too! lol. make him wear it for me! lol.
woke up rather late today. at 2.30 pm. den eat n bath already den go dear dear hse to look for him. haiz. on my way there chased loads of bus and i feel damn fucked up.! den on my way dere he complained said i was v.late n y nv take cab? i not wrking now lors. how can anyhow spend? den bu shuang abit. haha. den basically jus slack at his hse wid cindy n charlie.

and now we are back in my room. tt dear of mine is busy playin play station now. dots... guess its true tt everyone has a child in them. arghs i think i need to go IT helpdesk again! stupid thing still pop out... yest went over to dear dear hse and stay over! haha. after school took mrt to bishan n waited for him for awhile. i abit whiny though. haha. cuz i wearing long v neck! almost melted under the sun. haha. den after tt he went to my hse. haiz. den he saw a pic i cutted out of the RP mag. haiz. den he v.sad. but i manage to cheer him up by throwing the pic away. actually it is pic of gordon. well... sorry dear...

haiz. when i reach his hse awhile n slack abit. his frens ask him to play mahjong. wth lors! 2am in the morning play mahjong!!! arghs! den i abit sian but not angry. so stay in cindy's room n discuss about wad cake shall we bake tml and look for the receipe! haha. finally settled on tiramisu. den i sleep in cindy's room instead. he damn idiot lors! arghs. ask me to come over den ask his frens come play mahjong...

woke up at 12 plus. den cindy said he locked his room door n throw my bag outside his room lors! wth! den cindy use store room key to unlock n ask him wad happen. den i saw dis msg saying next time u wanna slp in my sis room den dun come over. haha. so i replied next time if wanna play mahjong den dun ask me come over. lol. i haven even angry also duno he angry wad shit lors!! haha. he ignored me when i asked him wad happen. so i went to help aunty wid cooking lunch instead. haha. aunty is a good company whenever dear is sleeping. haha. always teach me how to cook. haha.

den baked tiramisu cake wid cindy. haha. the cheese is so ex lors! haha. but i will try to bake one for my auntie on her birthday. den after tt dear n me go down have dinner den go home watch soccer. haha. liverpool VS tottenham.. haha. for once i enjoyed it. haha. but i claim tt i dun like. muahahahah.. den after tt go home ler.

haiz. die lah. i keep wanting to eat esp at nite!!! btw i am lighter now!!! haha. 44.7kg at library when i went wid remi. but when i at dear hse i weigh 51kg lors!!! wth.. stupid weighing machine! freak me out. basically was late for sch on my first day. haha. reach only at 9.20am. first day of sch everyone wear so nice. only i wear jersey n fbt shorts to sch. haha. when i reach the class, the faci asked if i went to the wrong class anot. haha.abit paiseh also. den yest nite was listening to music til it hibernate. den when i flip open my lappy the song keep playin v.loudly. tsk. everyone laughed at me and worst still i keep keying the wrong password! argh! really wanna hide myself man.. tsk. den went all over W2 in search of my long time no see frens. haha. miss em.

training was extremely great though dere was suppose to have a friendly match. but trained hard today. starting was like fall n trip till u die kind of training. needless to say loads of or bah kat. haiz...but its all worth it! cuz i gt a extremely beautiful ball! yeah! even coach say it was nice. lol. haha. i am really improving bit by bit! yeah! at least its a good start. hee. basically was late for sch on my first day. haha. reach only at 9.20am. first day of sch everyone wear so nice. only i wear jersey n fbt shorts to sch. haha. when i reach the class, the faci asked if i went to the wrong class anot. haha.abit paiseh also. den yest nite was listening to music til it hibernate. den when i flip open my lappy the song keep playin v.loudly. tsk. everyone laughed at me and worst still i keep keying the wrong password! argh! really wanna hide myself man.. tsk. den went all over W2 in search of my long time no see frens. haha. miss em.

training was extremely great though dere was suppose to have a friendly match. but trained hard today. starting was like fall n trip till u die kind of training. needless to say loads of or bah kat. haiz...but its all worth it! cuz i gt a extremely beautiful ball! yeah! even coach say it was nice. lol. haha. i am really improving bit by bit! yeah! at least its a good start. hee. basically was late for sch on my first day. haha. reach only at 9.20am. first day of sch everyone wear so nice. only i wear jersey n fbt shorts to sch. haha. when i reach the class, the faci asked if i went to the wrong class anot. haha.abit paiseh also. den yest nite was listening to music til it hibernate. den when i flip open my lappy the song keep playin v.loudly. tsk. everyone laughed at me and worst still i keep keying the wrong password! argh! really wanna hide myself man.. tsk. den went all over W2 in search of my long time no see frens. haha. miss em.

training was extremely great though dere was suppose to have a friendly match. but trained hard today. starting was like fall n trip till u die kind of training. needless to say loads of or bah kat. haiz...but its all worth it! cuz i gt a extremely beautiful ball! yeah! even coach say it was nice. lol. haha. i am really improving bit by bit! yeah! at least its a good start. hee. basically was late for sch on my first day. haha. reach only at 9.20am. first day of sch everyone wear so nice. only i wear jersey n fbt shorts to sch. haha. when i reach the class, the faci asked if i went to the wrong class anot. haha.abit paiseh also. den yest nite was listening to music til it hibernate. den when i flip open my lappy the song keep playin v.loudly. tsk. everyone laughed at me and worst still i keep keying the wrong password! argh! really wanna hide myself man.. tsk. den went all over W2 in search of my long time no see frens. haha. miss em.

training was extremely great though dere was suppose to have a friendly match. but trained hard today. starting was like fall n trip till u die kind of training. needless to say loads of or bah kat. haiz...but its all worth it! cuz i gt a extremely beautiful ball! yeah! even coach say it was nice. lol. haha. i am really improving bit by bit! yeah! at least its a good start. hee. haha. yest nite stayed up til 6 am. wanted to give dear dear morning call. did set alarm at 6.45am. but when i woke up its already 1 when the delivery guy called to say tt the bed will be arriving at 1.45pm. haha. so i prounce out of my bed and quickly settle my room! i moved the warddrobe out of my hse all by myself. damn my mum. duno why i have mum like her.!

den aunt reach my hse juz not long after i get the wardrobe out not long. and the bed n frame arrived shortly. so me n aunt get down to wrk n quickly build up my bed n my room! wah move the thing here n dere. n my bro room also have to do for him. cuz of tt stupid book shelf. n my mum bloody bu shuang n she keep scolding me. i guess she is kinda jealous cuz i always get wad i want n not for my bro. and we quarrelled lah. irritating! i really hate her lah. arghs!

den went to bugis dere to eat steamboat buffet and eat dessert. lol. den slack at aunt hse. haha. den uncle send me home. lol. woke up at 2 today. cuz yest nite slept so late. at 3 am. haha. loads of things passed through my mind. haiz. sian... was supposed to go training today but was too tired plus my bed is coming tml. so i better stay at home n settle my things b4 tml comes.

at 5 plus decided tt i shud perhaps go over to find dear dear n to discuss wad cake to bake wid cindy dis coming sat. haha. but of cuz i wanna meet dear dear also lah. on my way dere i bought a cup of bubble tea. basically made a fool out of myself a few times. firstly i spitted honey milk tea on my face. and gt choke while i tried to suck tt pearl up. haha. the guy in front turn back n see. cuz i was like coughing so badly lah. haha.

haiz. but dear dear kena caught by his sir for having long hair even though he jus cutted yest. haiz. den end up he reach home only at 9. while i reach his hse at 7. but not too bad acc uncle to watch tv and had dinner tog wid em. haha. simply loves aunty's cooking. den cindy msged me say tt they will cook quite simple stuff. hope i dun mind. haha. den my reply was like competition ans. haha. but i really felt tt way wad. lol. i said something like. i love ur mum's cooking n am happy to taste it again. haha. sounds sparstic though. but its true lah. i am always the first one to sit by the table n last to leave lors. haha. *shy*

den i abit bu shuang cuz i wanna stay over but he keep asking me to go home. but i really feel tt its a bloody waste of money to go home at 2 plus. anyway tml dear dear also gg toa payoh taking 52 somemore. its like straight to my hse bus stop lors. i also freaking broke already lors. n i wont have any income anymore now tt i am not wrking!!!! arghS! den he say i show him face. but i really dun feel like going home n i am juz freaking sian. the tot of having to spend so much for nothing! bloody cab fare!!! argh!!! quite long nv blog already. yest dear came over n stay tts y nv blog. cuz he now 8 to 5 for 2 mths as he gt some courses to take up. haiz. over slept again. tt idiot. den had to take cab to toa payoh. btw finally am talking to cindy again. phew.

today woke up rather late. was supposed to wake up at 11 plus. but woke up at 1 plus. was suppose to meet the girls at redhill mrt. haha. but lucky i am street smart enough to find my way dere. we played rather badly today though. out of 6 matches we only won 1. v.dots rite? haha

den after tt dear dear called. hehe. so i went over to his hse to acc him awhile b4 he book in again. wah damn happy to be dere. haha. cuz i whole day haven eat anything and its already 7 plus. haha. dinner time! frm the stairs i can smell em already. haiz. poor dear dear kena kicked in the ankle. haiz. xin tong!!! arghs! den acc him go cut hair n slack at home awhile den he book in already.

on my way so qiao i saw jonathan den chatted awhile. haha. n here i am dealing wid the stupid lappy! its gt virus! and its so bloody damn irritating lah.!!! quite long nv blog already. yest dear came over n stay tts y nv blog. cuz he now 8 to 5 for 2 mths as he gt some courses to take up. haiz. over slept again. tt idiot. den had to take cab to toa payoh. btw finally am talking to cindy again. phew.

today woke up rather late. was supposed to wake up at 11 plus. but woke up at 1 plus. was suppose to meet the girls at redhill mrt. haha. but lucky i am street smart enough to find my way dere. we played rather badly today though. out of 6 matches we only won 1. v.dots rite? haha

den after tt dear dear called. hehe. so i went over to his hse to acc him awhile b4 he book in again. wah damn happy to be dere. haha. cuz i whole day haven eat anything and its already 7 plus. haha. dinner time! frm the stairs i can smell em already. haiz. poor dear dear kena kicked in the ankle. haiz. xin tong!!! arghs! den acc him go cut hair n slack at home awhile den he book in already.

on my way so qiao i saw jonathan den chatted awhile. haha. n here i am dealing wid the stupid lappy! its gt virus! and its so bloody damn irritating lah.!!! oh its been quite some day since i last update. well have been really really busy. thurs training was alrite! fri went to jere's hse. haha. was suppose to go home n sleep. but i ended up staying over. lol. haha. learn how to play mahjong wid jere n jonathan. he is really poor thing though. fall out of love n still have to acc me play mahjong. haha. den went to wei jie's BBQ. wah eat until sore throat.

only reach home at 8 plus in the morning. damn tired! den vik came over at 9 plus. den i die die wanna slp til 10 plus. den we head to sentosa. only two of us. haha. was sweating like no body's bussiness. omg! sweaty! den go bath tt time saw germaine's friend. they keep looking though. but i cant do anything. so let em see lors. dots. haha.

den went to look for my aunty n bought a pair of ring. kinda unique though. wid roma wordings on the ring. hopefully dear can fit in. den went boon tong kee to feast. omg. the damn prawn is way toooooo big. eat until scared. den went mustafa! haha. bought my queen size bed already! haha. coming on wed! yeah! wad happen yest i couldnt remember. all i could remember was tt i woke up to see dear dear's toot face. haha. his hair all messed up. but he still look good to me. haha. but he was late for book in! haiz. suppose to book in at 7am we woke up at 6.55am. i gt frighten when he jumped out of the bed. so took cab home n sneak into the hse as quiet as possible.

lucky daddy nv wake up. cuz he is really pissed. i took out all his books n left it all lying on the dining table. haha. okies. now i remember wad i did yest. was busy doing my wardbrobe! have been meddling wid saw n wood planks. wah.. really sweat big time! but was statisfied wid it. haha. done by me n my aunt! omg. haha. sound abit boyish though but its kinda in the genes. we r all quite into doing things liddat even for girls. den was supposed to meet dear at jurong point at 9. wah i really was racing wid time done by 8. i mop n vacum the floor n bath. lucky still gt alot of time. haha. den bought a tub of ice cream for him den went to eat tog den go home.

woke up at 1 plus to open door for vik. den we head heeren to go for her hair cut! she look great in her new hair. n me too went to get a hair cut as well. haha. now i look abit like miss adriana wong. look like one small ger. haha. but nvm. cute mah. in the process of cutting i saw sunshine! haha. kinda excited though. haha. den went citilink to get the photo album. was intending to make something for my one n onli. den went to suntec. went La SENZA! bought 3 bra! haha. arghs! den went to bugis to meet sharon. had dinner at swensons and met up wid hardeep! sooo long nv see! juz suddenly it seems like the whole world is asking me out on thurs! haiz. i feel so bad tt i cant go wid em.! my ladies asked me out to wild wild wet. n gary ask me go suntan teng yu wanna ask me out also vik wan go sentosa. i feel so bad rejecting all of em. cuz jere booking out tml.

haiz. juz checked my acc! tsk. i left wid $76. die already! i cant afford to spend so much n its time i start saving up. cuz i will not be wrking anymore! its been quite a long time since i last blog. i have been rather busy. btw i am not wrking already. tsk.but its okies. at least i get to spent some quality time wid jere. loads of things happen during the past few days.

on fri i went to suntec wid levin. its always nice talking to him. he is like my advisor. so we went around walking and window shopping.den we went to this restaurant call the new york new york at citilink. its a unique place. v.new york. haha. gt free candy floss. haha. v.cute n nice. after tt was suppose to meet jere. he was pissed tt i went out wid levin. wth!!! i cant stand it when he gets angry n threaten to choose her instead of me. it carried on for the past few days after since i tried to treat him nicer. i think he is taking advantage of my kindness. i was so pissed tt i took cab to jurong all the way to settle things wid him. was so pissed!! but things got to no where lah. i ended up gg home at 3 plus. and guess wad? i had to wake up at 6 plus. n the previous nite i slept at 5 plus.

the next day, sat i went to wrk and had to wrk all the way till 12 midnite. n guess wad? haha. my boss ask me not to wrk already. abit sian though. but no choice. cuz i cant wrk for long. tsk. but its okies. n yups. tt fool cant make up his mind!!! haiz. not again? i cannot concentrate during wrk n i am on the verge of crying every min. no appetite as well. tsk. when i ready to put in all of my love into it he told me dis. haiz.

sun! i went sentosa. woke up to see alot of msges. den he say he choose me. went sentosa wid levin n his friend to support his buddy. she took part in MISS EARTH. n vik joined us ltr on. haha. sian lors. no sun at all. its raining all day. den gt dis v.cute pair of jack russell. omg. v.cute lors. they keep fetching ball. haha. i wan one too! haha. den went town wid jere. we had pizza hut. den went over to his house. end up sleeping over. cuz i am too tired lers.

when wake up loads of missed call. from mum n dad. but i didnt picked up. after awhile his mum n sis came back. can see tt cindy look abit pissed. i abit sian to see her reaction also. haiz. abit akward. but i think relationship is abt two of us. wad other ppl think i dun care. okies. enuff of this. we went queensway to buy dear's soccer boots. den went ikea. haha. yeah! i finally gg to remake my room. a room filled wid our touches. hee.

finally he made up his mind. i think not exactly he made up his mind. but more of germaine gave up her chance to make him happy. i feel sorry for her and i really appreciate her sacrifices. i went to wrk as per normal. haha. end wrk at 3 plus. so qiao. saw benjamin or something. the A planner guy. haha. den today is soooo freakin hot! been perspiring the minute i start wrk. tsk. freak!!! argh.

after wrk went to J8 alone to settle something. developed some pics. haiz. i asked for his address so tt i can mail it to him. but he refuse. but wad is the point of meeting up if he choose her at the end of the day? i am sure he will say something to make me stay or sad. but if he choose her i think i really dun wanna see him anymore. at least not until i have fully get over him. its not tt i have no confidence. but i am juz preparing myself for the worst. i dun wanna give myself fasle hope. to me its now or never. wads the point of meeting up? there will be no ending to this mess lers. actually i should not be afraid of being alone. i have so many friends around. i have gt the best comforter n listener, levin. the best massager to sayang n pamper me, alfred n all the girl friends to bitch around n shop around! haha. dun be afraid to be alone! be strong! there is no such thing as without he/she the world will stop. life still goes on. it will not stop for anyone.

btw today finally can go for training! but training was really tough! arghs! loads of bruise n injury sia. my hip bones, my wrist blah blah blah. haha. n my legs is damn wobbly! its so wobbly tt my leg doesnt seems to be mine! wah lao eh... tired!!! but its been so long since i last touch ball. but amazingly my shou gan v.good! haha. alot of ball went over the net compare to last training! woooohoooo!!! lol. love the feeling man! was sick today. down wid fever. nv go out at all. i am a v.gd ger today. haha. basically i stay at home n lie on my bed the whole day. all i was doing was reading memoirs of a geisha n indulging in music. amazingly i am able to kick jere out of my mind. its amazing tt i juz dun feel anything. i dun feel the urge to msg him or call him. i duno why either. anyway we agreed not to contact each other til he found n answer. n for now, i am free to flirt around fling around or wad ever. haha.

haiz. i keep blowing up this few days! my aunt n granny called me everyday n asked me the same freakin questions!!! i cant freakin stand it. so much so tt i scream at them. i really cant take it! haiz. omg. wads wid me man. i noe they meant well. but i really cant control. haiz. too much stress i guess.. i am sorry n i feel bad abt it. haiz. haiz. did nt sleep well yest nite. was crying myself to sleep. tsk. i made a decision not to contact him. n he didnt say anything. i feel so sick! really v.sick. i am sick of this whole crap. n i really am not feeling well. i hate the situation as it is plus my sickness cause me to have v.bad temper!

btw had to start wrk damn early. n its raining. it juz like my mood. raining n grey. btw wad a coincidence tt one of the director stayed at the same block as me! haha. so we took cab to wrk tog. wrk was alrite. but had too much free time. n my mind juz cant stop thinking of all this fucking shit! haiz.

i feel v.hot all over. n i think i might fall sick real soon. n now tt he thinks tt i cannot give him happiness n i am yeh man n keep pushing him to the edge. wth! i hate ppl to compare!!!! i really hate it. omg. wads wid me man. went to wrk as usual. but... was supposed to start wrk at 9.45 but i tot muz reach at 7.45 n guess wad? i only realise it when i am at upp thomson rd! argh den go home n slp awhile first. overslept a lil den have to take cab to wrk! wth rite? wad was i thinking?

wrk was okies. but tml is a freaking longgggggg day! i start wrk at 7.15 all the way til 12 midnight! haiz. on my way home i gt motion sickness n feel really sick! plus i am not in the best of mood. when jere called i sound v.sian. n shit happens n i hang up on him.

i really cant take it anymore! i really wan this whole crappy shit to end!!!! end end end! haiz. its juz so irritating. i hate the feeling of being neither here nor dere! i wan a definate answer. so tt i can move on wid life. its a torment to me.

but nvm. cuz i will be seeing alfred soon! thanks to my boss! hehe. its been really long since i really meet up wid him. today finally went sentosa!!! yeah! went wid levin n his friends. haha. been askin around since yest n none of my gf n bf can make it. haha. juz as i was unexpected, levin msged n asked me to go beach! yeah! went anyway.

went to km8 the weather was great. but by the time i reach was already 4 plus. but the sun was still okies. manage to tann juz a lil. better den nothing rite? haha. damn sad lors. loads of babes n hunks wid wonderful body! haiz. see lah! been slacking for the past few weeks i think i better return back to gym asap! haha.

sorry joce! was suppose to go her hse wan! but i went beach instead. promise we will meet up real soon. feel so bad! haha. btw really had a gooooood talk wid levin. i feel tt talking to him i always learn new things n become more matured. n my thinking will be much clearer. as in i will noe how to handle my things better after talking to him. haha. its always a nice chat! felt as though we noe each other for so long. mayb i am more easy to open up to ppl. but he nv fails to enlighten me. =) yest was my first day of wrk. haha. not too bad. its not exactly tough but neither issit slack. but anyway i will take this as a learning opportunity for me to gain new experience. haha. saw a few stars. haha. actually i think i abit retarded. cuz when i smile to em some will ignore. but some juz smile at me automatically n i duno how to react. haha. i am kinda dumb lah. haha. btw edmund chen is extremely nice! haha. no airs at all. haha.

went to suntec n marina wid jere. walked around n took a few pics. haiz. missed him alot! tsk. i feel tt i am getting more n more dependent on him. haiz. actually i v.scared. scared tt all this r juz false hope. wad if one day i was being left behind? haiz. sian lors. nvm.. dun think so much first. haiz. after tt went to serangoon gardens wid the girls. finally met up wid em. haha. not as fun as i expected but still somehow we r reunited after so long! today went town wid vik! BTW miricale happens! when i was crying, alfred called. haha. he asked me if i am havin holis anot. n asked me my pay. den he offer me this once in a lifetime chance!!! he asked me to be a PERSONAL ASSISTANT! hehehe. n yups i accepted the job! haha. tml is my first day of wrk! haha. i damn scared. cuz he like very particular from the way he talk! haiz. panic sia!!! the tot of him makes me nervous! i scared i late. ewww... haha.

haha. i bought alot of things today!!! argh! i muz be crazy... cuz i spend money like water for this few months! haiz. in m'sia i bought 6 tops for me n 2 tops for jere. hehe. den i today bought a ripcurl bikini and a ripcurl landyard! matching wan some more. hehe. n a zara cardigan... hehe.

went granny hse today wid vik! haha. i miss her. she missed me alot. hehe. i can see tt. i am her one n only bao bei. haiz. feel so bad lors. haiz. but acc her for awhile den go back to vik's hse n slack.

tml will be the day i start wrk. hehe. i scared lors. hm... nvm have faith in myself! haha. cannot let alfred down! n i also muz learn to have the sense of responsibility. time to grow up! haha. btw jere not really happy abt it. but its a once in a lifetime experience! chance don come easily. n he also might not be my bf again. ltr i regret. n i think we shuden deprive each other of their chances. sounds self centred but i feel tt life is not juz abt love. n i may not be like germaine hu keep buying things for him. but i buy things for myself cuz i dun really like things tt is frm others. i wanna buy things on my own.n i dun expect u to shower me wid gifts or wad n i dun need ppl to buy things for me cuz i can do it on my own. mayb i sound v.ego but i feel tt i have to independent. or at least financially independent. n these r the things u taught me. be cuz of u i become liddat... cant blame me. n to me its my kind of achievement...