Wednesday, November 29, 2006 at Wednesday, November 29, 2006
haiz. nothing much. we quarrelled and we broke up. i cried and cried. i initiated it. at some point of time i seem pretty ready to let go.but at some time i could not. am i doing the rite thing, making the rite choice? am i? can somebody tell me? haiz. after that went bishan to meet gary. to pass him back his wallet. den went tuition. hm.. lil hyeon-ah made my day a lil. she is a cute lil girl. she kinda dun wan to let me go hm even when tuition has ended. haha. does that means that i am a gd tutor? hm... i love her hse. when i look out of the window i can see the magnificent view of macritchie reservior! its the type of hse i wanted. mayb nt so ex. but a double storey HDB flat. haha. muz be high enough to let me see f ar away... it would be perfect if i were to have to dogs and a complete family. lol. =.=" think too much..
went mustafa to meet aunt. den went dinner wid my family. haiz. i am soooo busy. v.busy actually... haiz. wad am i thinking? haiz. i dunno wad i wan? haiz. i am forever so aimless and indecisive. even ordering a meal is a struggle for me.
n now i am force to choose this path. haiz. though i chose to break up but somehow i feel like patching up. after all he is nt a lousy bf and he really loves me. whereas for me? according to him i had been a lousy gf. but haiz. i found out something. n i feel abit cheated though. haiz. he's always against gary... i duno why. at least i have no fears. cuz i have nothing to hide. haiz. okok. nvm. tts nt the point. i am v.scared that i said i wanted to break cuz i am on impluse... haiz. i scared i regret the choice like last time. will i find someone who treat me as well as jere? haiz. or will i find someone better? sometimes i really feel that we r nt suitable. he is so homely and i am soooo outward bound. haiz. and nt only that. i wan to try out new things. but he nt willing. and even if he really agreed u will see his sian face. haiz. he dun like to do things tog! i duno why. haiz. how to sustain like dat? and he says that i am lousy. he ask me wad have i done to prove that i love him.. i couldnt ans. cuz i nv. i stop. cuz its a chore for me. esp when he dun appreciates. why do i care when he dun bother. all my efforts will go down the drain. tsk!!!
haiz. i really advices? i need em badly. i need my freedom... i feel suffocated.. haiz. wad shud i do? shud i stay or shud i go?
Tuesday, November 28, 2006 at Tuesday, November 28, 2006
i guess this time round it really marks a full stop on our relationship. haiz. we quarrel day and night. haiz. why did our love turns out like this? according to him its all abt me. everything that started is all abt me. issit true? am i really that bad? he said that i am a lousy gf. he said that he felt cheated... but neither do i wan it to turn out dis way. i feel so suffocated. i need space to breathe. haiz. he ask me wad have i done to prove to him that he is important to me? i couldnt answer. its been so long. that last time i remember is on my bday. where i made rosti for him. ever since den, things started to take a turn. and thats when everything and anytime fights will sparks. haiz. mayb he feel that he is suffering. but he is nt d only one. haiz. i too feel sad and sick of all those fights. he claims that i have changed and that i dun love him. but its the love that is holding me back from choosing this path that i had chose only until today. he have no idea.
sweet conversations turn into hurl and abusive words and fights. haiz. guess mayb we r nt meant to be and thats the end of us. it is a painful decision but i have no choice. haiz. i will miss him. and i still love him. juz that he duno. damn!!
Life Is A Bitch!
i wan to go zoukout!
Sunday, November 26, 2006 at Sunday, November 26, 2006
haiz. damn tired!!! havent been updating huh. btw many things happen. hm..thurs -
nv go for training. guess wad? was hoping down the escalator and some what hurt my ankle. blame it on my hyperness!
fri -
nv go sch.. omg. i miss carol! its been sooo long since i last seen her. went jere hse instead. haiz.
sat -
start work at sony ericsson! gd environment! damn relac lah. haha. under joschua. and i pick up pretty fast. hee.. learn alot.
sun -
time seem passing really fast and i am getting more and more independent but yet dependent. hmm.. nvm.. actually wanna meet gary wan.. but he sooooo slow.. and i am sooooo tired. haiz. sian..
Thursday, November 23, 2006 at Thursday, November 23, 2006
haha. yest nite slept at 5... omg. morning gt UT. dots... gt take n nv take is like no diff.. cuz v.difficult!!! haiz. sian. basically today was slack day. :s went town wid gary as i had to go for interview at sony ericsson! yeah! probably starting wrk soon? yeah! damn happy! i wanna earn alot! den after tt went to eat, walk and cut hair alone. 5 to 8 i was all alone. hm... weirdo. i was so tired tt i fall asleep while cutting hair.tsk. wad was i thinking.
after tt vik n cheryl came along. we went to makan and waited for gary for like one thousand and one yr. he damn slow lah. until everyone had to wait for him... i am the only kind soul lah. den went home. kk. i am damn tired.. gtg nw! bye!!
Wednesday, November 22, 2006 at Wednesday, November 22, 2006
I DRIVE MYSELF CRAZY by N SyncLying in your arms
So close together
Didn't know just what I had
Now I toss and turn
Cause I'm without you
How I'm missing you so bad
Where was my head
Where was my heart
Now I cry alone in the dark
I lay awake I drive myself crazy
Drive myself crazy
Thinking of you
Made a mistake
When I let you go baby
I drive myself crazy
Wanting you the way that I do
I was such a fool
I couldn't see it
Just how good you were to me
You confessed your love
Undying devotion
I confessed my need to be free
And now I'm left
With all this pain
Lonely got myself to blame
Why didn't I know it (How much I loved you baby)
Why couldn't show it (If I had only told you)
When I had the chance
Oh I had the chance haiz. manage to find him.. stupid camp. damn ulu. made me worry for nothing. nv go sch again. yeah! gt my tution pay!!! haha. had some miscommunication wid the mum. =.=" wth... she wanted to pay me by end of mth. n i asked for 4 lesson each lesson. dots. damn paiseh. haha. but she gave me anyway.:P
haiz. oh dear.. we r getting frm bad to worst. i duno hw to talk to him or wad to say. we ended up quarrel tru msg. haiz. i think abt us n think abt it. cried a lil. haiz... heart pain... but its the love tt is holding us back. haiz. bu she de but i noe its juz a matter of time. ='(
was watching channel u... den saw gordon! happily called gary. guess wad. i made a damn fool outta myself. haha. was like screaming!!! "GORDON!!! gt see gordon? u saw? u saw?" haha. i tot i dial his hp.? it turn out to be his hse phone. n guess wad? his bro pick up! omg... i wanna find a hole to hide! can i? his bro see me b4. wah lao...
Tuesday, November 21, 2006 at Tuesday, November 21, 2006
haiz. i miss him.. haiz. miss u dearie!!! really do. haiz. after training went mac... shud stop eating mac. slim dwn!!! haiz... i gt no mood to blog.. all i wan is u... haiz.
Sunday, November 19, 2006 at Sunday, November 19, 2006
oh!!! today was fun man!!! omg! was late. supposed to meet at 7.30 at harbour front. guess wad? i think u will gt it rite. haha. yar!!! i overslept! i only woke up at 7.55! tsk. took a cab down. waste stupid money like dis again. haiz. but today was extremely fun! really! haha. mad!!! reading my blog? haha. u missed out the fun! :P i think i fare or rather we both fare sooooo much better! was sooooo burned! haha. its like i use SPF 4 i also nt tanned. but mel use SPF 70 she is like woah! =.=" ironic!.
however, the management was pretty sucky! haiz. first match we played was against the wrong team. haiz. den the score also do wrongly. den say no more games already den rite after we finish bathing, they called n said tt we had another game! wth! haiz. n we were forced to walk over! zzz.
went vivo wid pholy and mel n jan jan! after tt jere n me went J8 to watch "THE CONVENANT"
hm... not bad! quite nice! tt guy is cute. i like his build! drools. haha. n due to the breakdown of the aircon, we both gt a free admission pass! lol!!!! hope everytime i watch a new movie, i will get admission ticket! wahahaha.
Saturday, November 18, 2006 at Saturday, November 18, 2006
wah!!! today bump into one PERVERT!!! lao di ko!! er xin! he tried to smell my hair or something! omg. i duno wad he did to me... at first he put his hand in between me and a aunty. at the handle dere. den the aunty diao him. den i was reading cleo. so i didnt lean on the seat. when the bus jerk, i felt something. when i turnm back i saw him folding his arms on my seat handle!!! den i change seat. u noe wad? he still dare to look at me lor! omg!!! n i was wearing a skirt. ewww...
haiz. nv go sch again! damn!!! was so tired. met jere. pretty dramatic. kiss and make up. lazy to say the details.. sian...
Friday, November 17, 2006 at Friday, November 17, 2006
haiz!!! damn tired! today did alot of physical training! very tired! i am dying soon!!! loads of new blue black! haha. nvm! jia you!!!
Thursday, November 16, 2006 at Thursday, November 16, 2006
hm... was late for sch. on my way to sch had a tiff wid jere. n it resulted in breaking up. was crying my eyes out on my way to sch. soooo paiseh. when i went into my class everyone was concern abt me n IM me wad happen. thanks babes!came at 2nd meeting n left at 2nd break out. power. hm... den went bugis to look for dearie to clear the air. i cant carry on liddat. haiz. but everything is okies now. after tt went to visit granny for awhile. its been a LoOoOoOoOnNgGgGgG time since i last saw granny. i missed her so much tt i gave her a tight hug when i see her. hm... den have to leave after awhile cuz am meeting the volleyball girls at causeway point. argh! was extremely late. meet at 5 n i reach at 6.05pm. hm... wasted $18 on cab fare! *heartache* but i feel bad abt it too... haiz.
was really akward abt being late. haiz. had sticky chewy chocolate and had a great laugh wid tse ing and elaine abt the legendary yvonne. haha. one geekish weirdo i guess. haha.
after tt went lot 1 wid my zhu jie jie and my lowpants darlings!!! haha. soooo fun. haha. had ramen and yami yogurt! haha. loves! haha. had a crazy fun time! love u girls! muacks....
after tt went dearie's hse and den back to my hm...
Tuesday, November 14, 2006 at Tuesday, November 14, 2006
wads wid me on tues?! haiz... pls stop poning sch!!!try out this game, www.secondlife.com haha. quite fun... btw rite... smelly melly did something really nice! she gave me a lollipop and a card!!!
i think its sweet n totful! jan jan also! last time gimme m&ms chocolate n a post card!
girls... ehem... how do i live without you... i wan to noe... how do i breathe without you, if you ever go... how do i ever, ever survive... how do i... how do i... oh... how do i live....... training!!!! yeah finally had training! i was damn motivated. by... i duno wad also. haha. perhaps some goals or acheivement? no idea. but anyway...
today was pretty on form. am i ? i think so. duno where i gt all the energy from. haha. hope i can be consistent. tsk. haha.
my dear team mates... pls give each other encouragment and constructive comments! i hope we can all be improving!!! love you girls! we will strive hard tog! our common goal! yeah!!!! simply love VB!
Monday, November 13, 2006 at Monday, November 13, 2006
now am in class! zzz. sooooo sleepy. dearie made me sleep at 11plus. btw met up wid sharon at J8!!! miss her so!!! haha. had great chat and went pasar malam. haha. i miss those good old days.
haiz. kel, my shitty khakis no longer acc me go toilet lers... =(
Sunday, November 12, 2006 at Sunday, November 12, 2006
went to meet dearie. we went to marina sq to watch step up! it was extremely great! it somehow gave me the groove to go club! i wanna go dance. i wanna learn to dance. haiz... i have no idea y it seems like he is reluctant to go anywhere wid me. n it really piss me off. haiz. am i tt ugly to the state tt i am sooooooo not presentable or what? haiz. sian!!!! how i wish i can have someone hu share the same passion as me, hu is willing to go to sentosa wid as often as i wished! learn and try out new stuff wid me! haiz.
i am juz so sick of all the quarrels!
Saturday, November 11, 2006 at Saturday, November 11, 2006
haiz!!! i want what i want, i want!!!! i hate not getting what i want... haiz... sad.. i wanna buy dis pooh bear bao bao!!! den i forget! haiz. wth am i thinking? huh? haiz. so sad!!! its so cute! =( i wan tt crumpler bag tooo... haiz. no money! i hate being broke! i wanna watch step up! there is sooooo many things i wanna do and i wanna travel overseas! haiz. haiz. watch tt korean movie on channel u jus nw. way to home, hui jia. haiz. soooooo touching... was crying and i miss granny! haiz. i miss her... haiz. y am i soooooo grumpy? hm... no idea. haiz. nv go sch again! wth are u doin? lee shu hui!!! argh.. i was sooooooo tired that jere bombed my hp for like 7 times i dun remember hearing anything! tsk.
went town wid vik! haiz. sooooo many things i wana buy but i am juz simply to broke to get em. haiz. wth! but one thing is i finally meet vik! haha. i miss her! haha. we r like holding hands n the guys at NUM was like stunned! lol. so funny to see their reaction!
haiz. all i wanna do now is to hug u thightly and cry my eyes out! haiz...
Friday, November 10, 2006 at Friday, November 10, 2006
today finally get my cognitive grades! yeah! i got an A! hehehe. okok. keep up the good wrk and get all A or B all the way! yes! i can do it. training was all abt wrkin out due to the wet day. the hopping up the stairs and leg excercise is not a problem to me. but wah!!! almost died when asked to do the arm excercise. tsk. i am a lousy shit! there r this grp of dragon boat peeps! damn!!! they are not human man! wrk out like hell. was totally crazy..conclusion: i better stick to the land and play my volleyball. never ever think of joining dragon boat again. wahahaha.
after training went CP to eat wid hazel mel and mad. haha. on our way we decided to call ourself the lowpants.™ wahahaa. so cute. happy foursome!
Wednesday, November 08, 2006 at Wednesday, November 08, 2006
hm... nothing much today. i went to sch today!!! yeah! haha. girlie still say i cannot make to sch wan! hahaha. proud of myself lors! hm... now... i shall make a deal wid myself. i have to go to sch continuously for 1 week!will try lah! nonono! i will do it! yeah! haha. haiz. today was pretty sick! haiz. so tired and sleepy.. haiz.wahahaha. was watching superstars wid lucky! lol. even lucky noe how to judge. hehehe. he listen until shiver and trembling. haha. so cute. den he still damn sai nai lors. trying to squeeze its way between my arms and tummy... awww... cute!!!
Tuesday, November 07, 2006 at Tuesday, November 07, 2006
hm... nothing much today... went tuition den visit granny and joy doggy. haha. i almost died man! bought a BIG packet of dog food! soooo heavy... haiz. down wid flu. hmph! baby i love you! today nv go sch. when i woke up was pretty sick. (really sick...) woke up went RP to take bus to TP. the match is really exciting and intense! esp the female's team. i think SP they all really fought hard against TP. esp hui jun. however, they still lose to TP by abit! damn wasted. dbamn sad. i was cheering like i was from SP. the guy's match abit disappointing though. haiz. duno when can see raymond again. wahahaha. they say i gt bad taste. but its nt abt looks k... haha.
haiz. sian... quarrel again. tsk. wads new...
when my love for you was blind
but I couldn't make you see it
couldn't make you see it
that I loved you more than you'll ever know
Monday, November 06, 2006 at Monday, November 06, 2006
haha. duno y my tot is full of my dearie! think of all his good and all my bads! nt tt he is really v.good. but he is nt a lousy bf becuz...1. he suffer alot when he is wid me. cuz i love to disturb him when he falls asleep or when ever i cant sleep! haha. i miss him!
2. treat him rather badly. always scream at him when i throw tantrums!
3. he have to cajole me even when he is at fault. muz make me smile when i refuse to talk.
4. only i can disturb him and he cannot!
5. i am always rite!
6. my cooking really sucks and he will have to finish it all.
7. i whole day whole life complain sian.
8. i damn sai nai when i sick. so he muz pamper me like his lil princess.
9. he always sayang me but i always accidently "hurt" him or "abuse him physically"
10. last but not least he will have to tahan my bullys. and support me when i go for volleyball competition tt lasted 7 hrs and take good care of me after i drain all my energy at match! haha.
conclusion.
i love him to bits.
i miss tickling his armpits, tummy, ear and blah blah.
licking his nose.
planting kisses all over his face.
distrupting his beauty slp.
make him blow up and go over the line
squeezing his fat fat tummy!
but i am nt a lousy gf k!!! haha.
i am crazy! nvm me.
Sunday, November 05, 2006 at Sunday, November 05, 2006
sat went to a beachvolley competition at clementi. haha. dearie was dere wid me for the whole 7 hours . haha. so sweet of him. no complains. early morning wake me up. and made breakfast for me when i requested.haha. even uncle is so nice to fetch us dere when he can sleep longer. the sun was pretty good. nw only my limbs are tanned. the rest... tsk.. haiz. i was so hyper tt no amount of rest can recoup the energy i burn. was totally shack out. the amazing thing is wong is jere friend from jintai!!! wahaha. wad a small world! at least liddat he wont be so bored. cuz we played vb tog. yeap. jere played too. haha. so funny. we even play soccer. haha. so kuku. btw my idol is dere too!!! ahaha raymond no.12 from SP. haha. so damn zai lah. haha. btw we gt 2nd! haha. wah. when i got home i was pretty sick and was treated like his lil princess. hehehe. lucky girl. :P but cindy made me drink a 1.5litre bottle of plain water before i slp. wah... indeed was really freakin dehydrated.
lucky it was after the whole thing den my aunty visit. if not sure zzz. haha. cramp cramp cramp! i dun wanna have all this pms thingy.! anti pimple!!! anti cramps! anti menses! haha.
though i always pick on my dearie. but i love him. and i am really touched when he agreed to acc me to the competition to support me. really appreciate tt. n i feel damn guilty. cuz he always ask me go dwn see him play ball i dun wan. den still say alot of hurting stuff... sorry dear..
Friday, November 03, 2006 at Friday, November 03, 2006
damn! yest finally made it to the cognitive module pretty early. only 5 min late kind. den after UT i look at my hp. n guess wad? the damn faci ask me to get or keep the hp. so i jus shove it into the bag n look else where. den he ask me to get out! wtf rite? was so pissed tt i took my bag and wanted to go home initially. den saw my ex faci. he asked me wad happen and ask me to cool down. siiting at the pantry i cool down and insisted tt i shud go back in. i pay my damn sch fees and no one should ask me to get out. if he wan to get out he can do so. stupid fucked up faci! whole class hated him and wanted to write a petition against him. last week the class attendance was so bad tt we only left 10 of them. and wads worst is that there r other ppl from the management observing. conclusion is he is a bastard and he freakin have no idea how to communicate and piss the shit out of us and he is kinda racist too.
Thursday, November 02, 2006 at Thursday, November 02, 2006
argh couldnt slp so couldnt wake up. wth. crappy ger i am. dear keep calling me up. but juz cant wake up!!! suppose to meet gary go sch to take bus go TP. but he sprained his ankle. so i had to acc him to polyclinic for xray. waited damn long. tsk. took a cab dwn to TP. damn its $16! so damn broke lers. our girls didnt win TP but its okies. at least we r nt trash to death kind. dun give up girls! its nt abt winning but abt the efforts u all have put in. went to mac to have dinner wid alex gary zhijun dai kuan n keith. talk alot. had some small talk wid zhi jun. actually i have somehw get over the fact tt i am nt in main 12. nw i only wanna wrk hard for IVP. jia you shuhui!
argh!!! damn gross! i touch a cockroach while bathing!!! yucks. wanted to brush teeth when i get the tooth paste i felt something HARD!!! yeap! its the damn cockroach. totally freak out! but i kill it wid bygon. n i continue bathing. nearly choke myself to death wid all the bygon spraying. tsk. stupid girl!